Why do so many adults exclude children from social life?

It was a sunny Sunday at 5pm and Marcel Ceruti, an actress and photographer from Sao Paulo, was in line, waiting for her turn to enter a bar in the Santa Cecilia neighborhood west of the city. A friend arranged to celebrate her birthday there and she insisted on hugging him. I’ve been to the same bar before. The atmosphere was peaceful, inclusive. It even had a sign in front of it that said: Everyone was welcome. People of any gender, bicycles, pets … but, unfortunately, there was a restriction: not everyone can enter, at least not at any age. This information was when Marcel came to his turn line. She was holding hands with her son, 5-year-old Luke, and was interrupted. “Ah, unfortunately, the baby can’t enter.”She heard.

“It hurts us all and it hurts really badly because this impossibility of mothers and babies happens every day, in many other places.”

Photo: Arte: Bebê.com.br / Photo: Maytte Torres / Getty Images / Photo taken by Bebe.com

Marcel felt a lump in her throat. She didn’t even know how to react to her son, why they couldn’t go to the birthday party. He also did not understand. After calling his friend, who had come out to hug him, he got into the car with the boy and there he collapsed. “It simply came to our notice then Feelings of helplessness, of not being able to fit againI couldn’t stay with my friends because they didn’t accept my son, “said the actress in an interview Baby.com.br.

The power of the words he posted on Instagram stories is unimaginable. “Apparently, the bar that everyone accepts doesn’t accept a single mother with their children (…) @ Mudabar has lost me.” Bar, however, at a much higher rate than Marcel. She lost a group of mothers who became united and commented, shared, reflected and urged to discuss an important issue based on her report: Exclusion of children and mothers from social life and prejudice and discrimination towards childhood, As if it is normal and permissible. Spoiler: It’s not.
This whole chorus of women and mothers standing with me reveals that this is one Joint and emergency pain. It hurts us all and it hurts really badly because this impossibility of mothers and children happens every day, in many other places, “said Marcel.

What’s wrong with the bar?

While reading the comments and looking at all the reactions generated by Marcel’s post, you can find a series of reports from other mothers who have gone through similar situations, in addition to several others as a result. Also, of course, those who do not hesitate to point a finger: “But, by any chance, a bar is a place for children?”. It could be, yes, if the parents understand. “All the discussions, comments and explosions from the reaction to what happened to me helped me a lot to understand that, for a long time, I also believed and normalized what a mother’s place is at home or on the playground. And it hurts. But it is important to say that it It’s not about me. It’s here because it’s a collective problem; it’s for all of us, for mothers and for society as a whole. “
For child psychologist Caroline Alonso, from S সাo Paulo (SP), A child’s place where parents make decisions and where he or she feels comfortable. “Of course, not until Your health does not interfere with your routine and does not put you at risk“In this particular case, it was a bar with chairs and tables, at 5 pm, he would stay for a while and leave … it depends on the common sense of the parents,” he explained. Now, people are excluded because they have children, “he said.” We are talking about discrimination. So, is there a bar that forbids the entry of the elderly or other that does not allow black people to enter? It is up to the individual to decide whether it is appropriate or not“, He mentioned.
Of course, there are places where children should not go, because their childhood should be protected. And they can’t come into contact with drugs, sex, violence, for example, Marcel thinks. We are talking about all the other public places, bars and restaurants that operate in daylight, which provide a framework for social interaction and leisure and each parent is able to evaluate whether a particular place is good for them, “he said. Gave.

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“Children and adolescents – as well as other social groups – are part of society’s life. Similarly, the presence of children and adolescents in public and private spaces open to the public, subject to possible legal and judicial restrictions, is their right.”
In addition to superstition, In these cases, barring mother and child is unconstitutional. “Commercial enterprises cannot prohibit the entry of any social group, not even by Article 3, IV of the Federal Constitution, which prohibits prejudice against children of any origin, race, gender, caste, age and any other. Details of the Brazilian Bar Association – Sao Paulo (OAB-SP), Isabella Vieira Machado Henriques Commission for the Protection of the Rights of the Child and Adolescents.
According to the lawyer, the Children and Adolescents Status (ECA) determines that public entertainment and shows may report indicator classifications for ages that are not recommended. “As a rule, children under the age of 10 can only enter and stay at performance or exhibition venues when Accompanied by mother, father or legal guardian“, Points.

“For me it was already … they lost me!”

After all the reactions to the case on social media, Bar Mouda made a post, trying to explain his position.
The official statement said: “Fulfilling the constitutional mandate of defense with absolute priority for children and adolescents, the ECA plays an important role in the commercial organization of the protection of minors, which includes. In December, we regularly posted on Instagram that, We need to present RG / CNH to check if the person is of legal age. We know that some decisions are personal, but others are collective. We only want to be truthful and aware when we say what we can serve the public. Not designed for children, their freedom and needs – and they are what we consider in this decision. Our environment is designed for adults, including an adult cultural event. Nature and consequently for people over the age of 18. This position does not exclude this fact. That we are always thinking of improving space and efficiency. “
Read the full post:

Per To drink, Marcel said he found the clarification note shallow and that they only protected themselves from the negative feedback they received in the media and strengthened the work of not accepting mothers and children. “There were no words directed at me or other mothers who have already been barred which I came to know after disclosing my case. Yesterday. [terça-feira, 5]Two days after the incident, They contacted me and we talked on the phone. An apology was made at the end of the call and they said they were open to reviewing issues. I really hope they take it seriously and actually do something. But for me, it was. They lost me, “he concluded.
Attempts were made to contact the organization to report our report, but no response was received at the time of publication. On Wednesday night (6), the bar released a video in which it apologized and warned that the house’s policies had changed to be acceptable to all listeners, emphasizing whether the place was appropriate, the mother or should be held responsible. For children:

Outside the restaurant table …

Negotiations, however, go beyond Muuda. This is not the first or last time a mother and child have been denied entry. Along with other commercial establishments, the number of ceremonies like weddings has increased, for example, which The presence of children is prohibited. Other controversial restrictions include discussions on the promotion of commercial aircraft flights, excluding small aircraft or areas that are prohibited inside the aircraft.
This movement is called “child free” or “child free” . The idea came from the defense of people who do not want to have children – and who must have the right to choose to be respected and understood to avoid forced motherhood and fatherhood – but in the end it has spread and distorted. Groups want to limit contact with any child.

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“How can I explain to my son why some adults don’t want him around and why they forbid him to enter certain places? By switching ‘no children’ you can get the idea of ​​grief for another minority that “
“I have heard that this movement is very common in hotel chains, which refuse to accept children, after a covered speech of concern for safety, the place does not offer any danger. The thought that it bothered, annoyed a child. People, children talk, run, sing, cry, fall, pick things up, throw things away. They are discovering the world, it is part of every human development, no problem here! They are not the problem. They need to be welcomed and respected. “
Marcel added that of all the comments she has made in the past few days, she has seen reports of a mother whose car race was canceled when the driver saw her with a baby and a stroller, another who had to change with her son. Diaper in the restaurant chair because there was no change table on site and he was reprimanded among others. ” It is a daily violence against mothers. And look, I’m talking about a small area west of Sao Paulo, mostly white. And how is it for mothers with disabilities, black mothers, children from the perimeter of Brazil? The question itself goes further, it spreads to other levels, other realities … the discussion will not stop. “Once we see it, we don’t call it ‘Ansi’ anymore,” he said.

Lost children or adults spoiled?

Why do so many adults raise the flag that places should be pet friendly, but reject the presence of children? For psychologist Caroline Alonso, that is at the root of the situation The adults do not have much in common with the younger ones. “The baby has just come into the world, he’s standing himself, he doesn’t know how to express what he’s feeling, so he cries. It’s normal! They cry because they’re happy, because they’re happy, because it’s the way they know how to show what they want. Feeling we have ‘Run out of gas’ emotionally.
“Then how can it be that adults, who are a reasonable part of the situation, do not understand and do not accept that it It is part of human development and everyone has gone through it. It’s the hardest and most painful part. “
Not to mention the mothers who are not welcomed when they welcome their children. How to take good care of another man so that he becomes a healthy adult, if this motherhood excludes him from socialization, excludes him from retirement, excludes him from the moment, sometimes rare, when you can have fun and with others Can you talk about a change?
The place of a child – and a mother! – It’s not just on the playground, at home or at school. And the conversation barely begins.

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