One way to help a child succeed, even if the environment around him is unfavorable – such as poverty, abuse or learning difficulties, both mental and physical – is to find a way to provide a safe and structured childhood but with autonomy and capacity. To develop, according to American educational psychologist Michelle Borber, author of a number of essays on childhood, in an article in the American newspaper CNBC News, she mentions seven characteristics of children’s mental resistance, resilience, social competence, self-awareness and morality. Strength – a trait that sets successful children apart from those who struggle to be.
Most parents equate self-esteem with confidence – they tell their children “you are special” or “you can be whatever you want”. However, there is very little evidence that increasing self-esteem increases academic success or even genuine happiness. Studies show that children who evaluate their own efforts and strengths are more successful than those who believe that they have no control over their academic results. True self-confidence is the result of doing good, overcoming obstacles, creating solutions, and coming back on your own. Solving your child’s problem or doing his job just makes him think, “They don’t believe I can.” Children who have confidence know they can fail, but they can also recover.
There are three distinct types of this power of character: emotional empathy, when we share each other’s feelings and feel their emotions; Behavioral empathy, when empathetic anxiety leads us to work with empathy; And cognitive empathy, when we understand the other person’s thoughts or put ourselves in their shoes. Children need an emotional vocabulary to develop empathy and there are ways to teach it:
Share the feeling
The ability to control your attention, emotions, thoughts, activities, and desires is one of the most relevant forces of success – and an amazingly essential privacy to help children recover and thrive. One way to teach self-control is to give signals. Some children have difficulty shifting their focus between activities. This is why teachers use “attention signals” like doorbells or verbal cues. Another strategy is to use stress brakes. Slowness gives them time to think. Teach a “pause request” that can remind your child to stop and think before they act.
Integrity is a set of learning beliefs, abilities, attitudes, and skills that create an ethical compass that can help children learn and do what is right for them. Setting our own expectations is a big part of this puzzle, but equally important is giving them space to develop their own moral identity as well as their own and separate from ours. It also helps to recognize and appreciate ethical behavior when your child demonstrates it so that he or she realizes it has been valued.
Curiosity is the desire to recognize, explore and explore new, challenging and uncertain events. To help increase children’s curiosity, toys, gadgets and games are easy to use. Give them paint, yarn and sticks to create construction. Another way is to model curiosity. Instead of saying, “It’s not working,” let’s see what happens! ” Try. Instead of answering, ask.
Perseverance helps children move when it is easy to give up. Mistakes can be a barrier to success for children. So don’t let your child ‘demonize’ your problem. Instead, help them focus and identify their problems. Some children give up because they feel overwhelmed by “all their problems” or “all their work” – shuffling the tasks into small pieces helps children who have a hard time focusing or getting started.
Optimistic children see challenges and obstacles as temporary and insurmountable, so they are more likely to succeed. But there is a dramatically opposite perspective: pessimism. Children who are pessimistic see the challenges as permanent, cement blocks that are impossible to move and so they are more likely to give up. Teaching children optimism begins with us – children take our words as their inner voice.