It was a sunny Sunday at 5pm and Marcel Ceruti, an actress and photographer from Sao Paulo, was in line, waiting for her turn to enter a bar in the Santa Cecilia neighborhood west of the city. A friend arranged to celebrate her birthday there and she insisted on hugging him. I’ve been to the same bar before. The atmosphere was peaceful, inclusive. It even had a sign in front of it that said: Everyone was welcome. People of all genders, bicycles, pets… but, unfortunately, there was a restriction: not everyone can enter, at least not at any age. This information was when Marcel came to his turn line. She was holding hands with her son, 5-year-old Luke, and was interrupted. “Ah, unfortunately, the kids can’t get in.”She heard.
Marcel felt a lump in her throat. She didn’t even know how to react to her son, why they couldn’t go to the birthday party. He also did not understand. After calling his friend, who was out to hug him, he got into the car with the boy and there he collapsed. “It simply came to our notice then Feelings of helplessness, of not being able to fit againI couldn’t stay with my friends because they didn’t accept my son, “said the actress in an interview Baby.com.br.
The power of the words he posted on Instagram stories is unimaginable. “Apparently, the bar that accepts everyone doesn’t accept a single mother with their children (…) @ Mudabar has lost me.” Bar, of course, at a much higher rate than Marcel. She lost a group of mothers who became united and commented, shared, reflected and urged to discuss an important issue based on her report: Exclusion of children and mothers from social life and prejudice and discrimination towards childhood, As if it is normal and permissible. Spoiler: It’s not.
“This whole chorus of women and mothers standing with me reveals that this is one Joint and emergency pain. It hurts us all and it hurts really badly because this impossibility of mothers and children happens every day, in many other places, “said Marcel.
What’s wrong with the bar?
While reading the comments and looking at all the reactions generated by Marcel’s post, you can find a series of reports from other mothers who have gone through similar situations, in addition to several others as a result. Also, of course, those who do not hesitate to point the finger: “But, by any chance, is a bar a place for children?”. It could be, yes, if the parents understand. “All the discussions, comments and explosions from the response to what happened to me have helped me a lot to understand that, for a long time, I have believed and normalized what a mother’s place is at home or on the playground. And that hurts. But it is important to note that this is not my case. This is a collective problem because it got where it got; It’s for all of us, mothers and society, “said Marcel.
For child psychologist Caroline Alonso, from Sওo Paulo (SP), A child’s place where parents make decisions and where he or she feels comfortable. “Of course, as long as Your health does not interfere with your routine and does not put you at risk“In this particular case, it was a bar with chairs and tables, at 5 o’clock in the afternoon, he would stay for a while and leave … it depends on the common sense of the parents. Now, the reason people are left out,” he explained. They have children, “he said.” We’re talking discrimination. So, is there a bar that bans adults or other black people from entering? It is up to the individual to decide whether it is appropriate or not”, He points out.
“Of course, there are places where children should not go, because their childhood should be protected. And they can’t come in contact with drugs, sex, violence, for example, “Marcel thinks. “But that was not the case. We are talking about all the other public places, bars and restaurants that operate in daylight, which provide a framework for social interaction and leisure, and to evaluate whether a particular place is good for each parent.” Able, ”he explained.
“Children and adolescents – as well as other social groups – are part of social life. Similarly, children and adolescents have the right to be present in public and private places, which are open to the public, subject to any legal or judicial restrictions. ”
Isabella Vieira Machado Henriques, President of the Commission for the Defense of the Rights of the Child and Adolescents of OAB-SP
In addition to superstition, In these cases, barring mother and child is unconstitutional. “Commercial enterprises cannot ban the entry of any social group, even on the basis of industry. 3, IV of the Federal Constitution, which prohibits superstition on the basis of origin, race, sex, color, age and any other form of discrimination. The ban on the entry of children can only be imposed by law or judicial decision, “said Henriques, president of the Brazilian Bar Association’s Committee for the Protection of the Rights of the Child and Adolescents – Sao Paulo (OAB-SP), Isabella Vieira Machado.
According to the lawyer, the Children and Adolescents Status (ECA) determines that public entertainment and shows may report indicator classifications for ages that are not recommended. “As a rule, children under the age of 10 can only enter and stay at performances or exhibitions when Accompanied by mother, father or legal guardian”, Indicates.
“It was for me … they lost me!”
After all the reactions to the case on social media, Bar Mouda made a post, trying to explain his position.
The official statement said: “In fulfilling its constitutional mandate of defense with absolute priority for children and adolescents, the ECA plays an important role in commercialization of the protection of minors, including for the purpose of risk prevention. So, since December, we’ve been regularly posting on Instagram that, in order to enter the bar, you need to submit RG / CNH to check if the person has legal age. We know that some decisions are single, others are collective. We only want to be truthful and conscientious when we say we are able to serve an audience. The leisure we offer is not designed for children, their freedom and needs – and we consider them in this decision. Our environment is designed for adults, cultural programming of an adult nature and consequently for people over 18 years of age. This position does not exclude the fact that we are always thinking of improving space and efficiency. “
Read the full post:
Per To drink, Marcel said he found the clarification note shallow and that they only protected themselves from the negative feedback they received in the media and strengthened the work of not accepting mothers and children. “There were no words directed at me or other mothers who have already been barred which I came to know after disclosing my case. Yesterday [terça-feira, 5]Two days after the incident, They contacted me and we talked on the phone. An apology was made at the end of the call and they said they were open to reviewing issues. I really hope they take it seriously and actually do something. But for me, it was. They have lost me, “he concluded.
Attempts were also made to contact the organization about our report, but no response was received at the time of publication. On Wednesday night (6), the bar released a video in which it apologized and warned that home policies had changed to be acceptable to all visitors, emphasizing who would say whether the place was suitable, the mother or should be held responsible. For children:
Outside the restaurant table.
Negotiations, however, go beyond Muuda. This is not the first or last time a mother and child have been denied entry. Along with other commercial establishments, the number of ceremonies like weddings has increased, for example, which The presence of children is prohibited. Other controversial restrictions include the promotion of commercial aircraft flights, excluding small aircraft or areas that are prohibited inside the aircraft.
This movement is called “Child free” or “child free”. The idea came from the defense of people who do not want to have children – and who must have the right to choose to be respected and understood to avoid forced motherhood and fatherhood – but eventually expanded and distorted. Groups want to limit contact with any child.
“How can I explain to my child why some adults do not want to be around him and why they forbid him to enter certain places? How can I explain this, without realizing that he is a problem, that he is wrong, even without doing anything? Just swap ‘no children’ for any other minority to get an idea of sadness “
Marcel Seruti, mother and photographer
“I have heard that this movement is very common in hotel chains, which refuse to accept children, after a covered speech of concern for safety, the place does not offer any danger. The thought that it bothered, annoyed a child. People, children talk, run, sing, cry, fall, pick things up, throw things away. They are discovering the world, it is part of every human development, no problem here! They are not the problem. They must be welcomed and respected.”, Points out to the mother.
Marcel added that of all the comments she has made in the past few days, she has seen reports of a mother whose car race was canceled when the driver saw her with a baby and a stroller, another who had to change with her son. Diaper in the restaurant chair because there was no change table on site and he was reprimanded among others. “It is a daily violence against mothers. And look, I’m talking about a small area west of Sao Paulo, mostly white. And how is it for mothers with disabilities, black mothers, children from the perimeter of Brazil? The question itself goes further, at another level, penetrating other realities … the discussion will not stop. “Once we see it, we don’t call it ‘Ansi’ anymore,” he said.
Lost children or adults?
Why do so many adults raise the flag that places should be pet friendly, but reject the presence of children? For psychologist Caroline Alonso, that is at the root of the situation The adults do not have much in common with the younger ones. “The baby has just come into the world, he’s standing by himself, he doesn’t know how to express what he’s feeling, so he cries. It’s natural! They shout because they are happy, because they are excited, because they know how to show how they are feeling, they do not have complete self-control, they do not yet have a well-developed rational part, they are pure affection, pure emotion “, he explains. .. …
“Then how can it be that adults, who are a reasonable part of the situation, do not understand and do not accept that it It is part of human development and everyone has gone through it. It’s the hardest and most painful part. “
Not to mention the mothers who are not welcomed when they welcome their children. How to take good care of another human being, so that he becomes a healthy adult, if this motherhood excludes him from socialization, excludes him from retirement, excludes him from the moment, sometimes rare, when you can have fun and with others Can you talk about a change?
The place of a child – and a mother! – It’s not just on the playground, at home or outside of school. And the conversation barely begins.
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